Michael Jackson and the Pledge of Allegiance


Here's a reader submission that the contributor first heard in 1984 in Placentia, CA. It would probably get kids in a lot more trouble now than it did back then.


I pledge allegiance to the flag,
Michael Jackson is a fag.
Pepsi Cola burnt him up,
now he's drinking 7-UP.

The rhyme circulated a lot, and appeared in at least three scholarly works on children's folklore in the mid-late 80s, and there's a 1994 book about black identity in popular culture  which identifies it as a jump rope rhyme. When I heard it (circa the spring of 1992 in Des Moines), there were two more lines:

7-UP made him pee,
now he's drinking Pepsi Free




I'm not sure this one survives among today's kids. It seems like an obvious enough move to turn "Michael Jackson" into, say, "Justin Bieber," but maybe a guy really does have to be doing soda commercials for this one to work.  Then again, by the time it had filtered to my fifth grade, the story about him being burned while filming a Pepsi commercial had faded away; I didn't make the connection at the time, personally. 

It MAY have been that the "burnt up" line had to stop seeming topical before kids felt like they could add more verses about other calamities that rhymed with soft drinks, but I doubt it. I can imagine that some schools stretched this one into many more verses (I hate to say it, but I'd be shocked if no one, anywhere, added a line about him drinking Sprite because 7-Up made him white). 

Without wishing to endorse the first (easily changeable) couple of lines, here are a few off the top of my head:

Pepsi free made him choke
now he's drinking diet coke
diet coke made him spew
now he's drinking mountain dew
mountain dew made him hurt
now he's drinking cans of squirt

Easy. Change the first lines to some other Playground rhyme staple ("Michael jackson went to France / to teach the ladies how to dance" works just fine), and then you can go on for days.

Incidentally, I don't think Michael Jackson actually drank any of those drinks. 


2 comments:

  1. Northern VA, 2000s, we didn't have the Michael Jackson part but we had
    "Coca Cola came to town
    Mr. Pibb shot him down
    Dr. Pepper fixed him up
    now we all drink 7-Up
    7-Up caught the flu
    Now we all drink Mountain Dew
    Mountain Dew caught it too
    Now we don't know what to do"

    ReplyDelete
  2. New Hampshire, mid-1980s

    I pledge allegiance to the flag
    Michael Jackson is a fag
    Fill him up with Coke and beer --

    (and then the teacher put a stop to it; I never learned what the fourth line as)

    ReplyDelete

PLEASE tell us where and when you heard your version (ie, "Chicago, early 1950s). And please be aware that the information may end up in a book sooner or later.