In Days of Old When Knights Were Bold

These seem to be falling out of favor these days, but rhymes about bathroom customs in the old days certainly go back a while:

In days of old when knights were bold
and toilets weren't invented
they did their load
beside the road
and walked away contented


Sherman recorded that one in New York in the early 1950s. I've also heard:

In days of old when knights were bold
and paper not invented
they'd wipe their ass
with bits of grass
which left them freshly scented


I imagine many more of these go around - post yours in the comments!

Just as a side note, in a college, one of the dozen or so papers I wrote on The Canterbury Tales for the various classes that assigned it was entitled "In Days of Old When Knights Were Bold; Chaucer's Poop Jokes." I think I got a B-

16 comments:

  1. We did this one at a cadet camp in Alberta in the 1990s. We were teenagers, not kids. There were dozens of verses (and flexibility to write them up) and many of them were very explicit.

    A couple verses I remember:

    In days of old when men were bold
    And condoms weren't invented
    We stuck wool cocks upon our cocks
    And babies were prevented

    In days of old when men were bold
    And women weren't particular
    We lined them up against the wall
    And fucked them perpendicular

    ReplyDelete
  2. In days of old, when knights were bold
    And ladies weren't invented
    The knights bored holes in telegraph poles
    And walked away contented.

    -- Melbourne, Australia, early 1960s

    ReplyDelete
  3. In Cleveland in the mid-fifties our version was as follows:
    In days of old, when knights were bold
    And rubbers weren't invented,
    They tied a sock around their cocks
    And babies were prevented.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I heard something similar to the Cleveland one in New Jersey in the late 80's, but I only ever remember hearing it from one kid -- it wasn't widespread.

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  5. In days of old when nights where bold and toilet wern't invented,they dug a hole and sat in it and sat their quite contented, and here am i brocken hearted paid a penny and only farted.

    UK Bolton 1980

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    Replies
    1. Some come here to sit and wonder.
      Some come here to shit like thunder.
      i come here to scratch my balls and read the writing on the walls!

      Delete
  6. In days of Old When Knights were bold
    and rubbers were invented
    They tied a sock
    around their cock
    When babies weren't intended

    ReplyDelete
  7. San Francisco Bay area and Sacramento 1968

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  8. In days of old, when knights were bold, they tied a sock around their cock, and soon rubbers were invented.
    NYC area 1970's

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  9. W-S-M England late 70's

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  10. In days of old
    when knights were bold
    and rubbers weren't invented
    They'd wrap a sock
    around their cocks
    and babies were prevented

    Chicago early 1950's (truly)

    ReplyDelete
  11. The cabin boy, the cabin boy,
    The dirty little nipper,
    Stuffed his ass with broken glass,
    And circumcised the Skipper.

    ReplyDelete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. Upstate NY, 1970s

    Here I sit broken hearted
    Paid to shit but only farted

    Hard to believe that pay toilets were once a thing. The best comment in a pay toilet, by far, was written along the bottom of the stall door: "Beware of limbo dancers without a dime"

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  14. Toilet Wall at school, Perth, Western Australia Circa 1970's
    Here I sit broken hearted
    Paid five cents and only farted

    ReplyDelete
  15. In days of old
    When knights were bold
    And suits were made of tin
    No mortal cry
    Escaped the guy
    Who sat upon a pin

    ReplyDelete

PLEASE tell us where and when you heard your version (ie, "Chicago, early 1950s). And please be aware that the information may end up in a book sooner or later.